Lost in your thoughts
Ostracized by the unthinking
Never a part of the game
Everybody thinks I'm happy
Lost in my own little world
You, behind your eyes
Never seeing my pain
Eash of you have your own agendas
Sure of your own world
Sure of your place in it 

You used to hold my hands while we walked to the bench sitting together having our romantic times. U looked at me through my eyes and i admire it alot. U hold on to my hands and never let it go. U kissed me, u hugged me and when I told u i was nervous about meeting u, U said, " If we are meant to be together, we shouldn't be nervous about meeting each other." Every words u said to me is well remembered by me. It's al because i love u and that i want to remember every words u said to me. Who gonna sit together with me on the bench having a romantic times with me now that u leave me? I don't have u to do all that to me anymore :( :( :( Seriously, I'm tired of leaving already. I felt like dying. Syirah felt the same way too and actually said to me, " Let's die together, babe."  I was being there for her knowing that i actually felt the same way too. Yeah! I felt like dying too!  Reason why i did all this is because, seeing her like this makes me really sad. She is always there for me. It's time for me to be there for her now. I told mum about how stressful was i yesterday and mum was like, " It's pointless to think about all this, Sayang. Stay strong. Insyaallah things will go like what u want it to be." "Pray to god cos that the only way he will give us the strength to be strong."  Mum's words of encouragement really woke me up. It like the feeling of someone slapping on ur face to make u realised ur mistakes. Hees! Now all i got to say is, I'm happy for u, ex-boyfriend. Although the feelings of loving u is still there, I will go saying that i'm happy for u. I just hope u won't hurt her and did like what u have done to me now. Tc. For the very last time, I wanna say that " I LOVE U STILL! "

P.S : Syirah babe, Cheer up. I love u, baby! :)

- I really needs to stop being soft hearted. I had enough getting hurt! It always becos of me being soft hearted that people is stepping on my head. Why am i not being appreciated instead? Yes, I know and i understand that everyone make mistakes. Even i do. But does that mean it's ok to get hurt from the same old person over n over again? Argh!

What is today's date? 010210! It's already the second month now and it has been 1 month since i broke up with him. I'm single for one month already now and i've yet to forget him. Why is that so? *The more i tried to forget him, The more i will love him.* Like i've been posting here, My love for him is so strong that i can never forget him. I'm sincerely in love with him. Only him. All my life, It's him that i always want to be with.

I've tried bringing the relationship back. But, i failed. There's no way i could bring the relationship back. He said," I cnt be with u...Not anymore...Sorry.." From what i know, There's no such things as u can't be with someone. It either u want to give it a try or not and it's either u want to give ur love to someone or not. Both kinda the same actually. As for him, He chose not to give me a second chance. He doesn't want to work things out like i do. He doesn't want to bring back the relationship like i do. He don't love me anymore. Everything is fading away for him. He said," We cn still mit each other bt nt like last time...Maybe i'm getting att soon.." What is all that supposed to mean?

Before i met him today, He told me last night that he don't want to get attached. Just now that i have met him, He said maybe he's going to get attached soon. What is this supposed to mean? YES! obviously i'm heartbroken by the way he told me all this. I'm lying if i said that i'm not right? So here i am telling u guys that uh huh! i'm heartbroken.

To Mujaheed: I'm all confused now. I really am. I'm here trying to bring back the relationship but u didn't give me the chance to. Why can't u give me the second chance like how i used to give u the chance being with me? Why can't u see how much i love u? Why can't u see how much i need u? Day by day, U're on my mind. I'm suffering by having u in my mind and kept thinking of u knowing that u don't want me back and u don't love me like i do for u. Please know that no matter what happened, I won't stop loving u.

To Ahmad Zuhrie: I know u love me and i really don't think that u should take things too fast knowing that i still love my ex-boyfriend, Mujaheed. U are being selfish towards me, Ahmad. Knowing that i had a hard time now and that i had my own problems, I'm still there trying to take good care of ur feelings and not wanting to hurt u. But, What have u did to me instead? Instead of u cheering me up and makes me feel relax, U create another problem for me. So, why do u think tht u are getting on my nerve at times? I know u wished that u are Mujaheed, The one i'm sincerely in love with. But well, U are not him and u shouldn't did what u have done now. Loving me is not about being selfish and taking things too fast. Sorry.

To Erul: I don't have any problem with u. Everything about u is fine. But i don't know as for u. In any other way if i ever hurt u, I would like to apologies to u. I'm sorry. U are there for me when i'm down. U understand me and always make the smile on my face. U know why am i being sweet and nice towards u at times? It's becos u make my day! U are always there for me being patience although u are feeling hurt. I appreciate all that. Thanks erul! (: I know u too had fallen for me and hope i could be the one for u. Well Erul, I just want to let u know. Don't hope too much that i will be with u one day cos by hoping too much, I might make u feel hurt if i chose not to be with u. Love can't be force my dear friend. I hope u know that too. Once again, I'm sorry.

To Raphael: My one and only good and bestest guyfriend. Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for being patience with my stubbornness. I appreciate tht. Thanks for everything! <3<3<3

To Insyirah: My one and only babe that is always there for me. Thanks for hearing me out. Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for encouraging me and all. Other than my bestfriend, U are the best girlfriend i had. U are the only one i can talk to. U are the only girlfriend i had that understand me the most. Thank u darling! I love u! :) :) :)

Now that i'm done with all this, I need a break! Enough of u people creating problems for me!!!!! U never know how stressful i can get. Gaaaaaaaaah!

God, Please help me!

What have i done that i deserve all this? Why is it that i'm feeling so stressful nowadays? :(:(:(

God, I'm not strong to go thru all this alone by myself.

I need the strength to be strong.

Help me, God.

I don't want to hurt anyone. :(:(:(:(

I love him, God.

I always want to be by his sides.

No other guy but only him.

God, Please help me! I'm confused! :(:(:(

I feel as though that i'm all lost! :(:(:(

P.s: I can't smile until i see your smile.

I LOVE U!

I will always love u!

Day by day, I'm not looking forward for the next day. Reason is, i know things won't changed.
It will always be the same things happening every single day. From faking a smile and
pretending nothing is happening around me. I'm getting so stressful nowadays that i wasn't
being myself. I get angry easily, Get irritated with my surroundings and everything. _|_
YES FUCK IT! I miss everything about 2009! I miss 2009! If i were to list down the things
i miss in 2009, It gonna give me a long list like how i miss him just that it will be longer. :(
I feel like giving up in life. But friends been telling me to think positive. Stay positive. Because of that,
I've been telling myself that, "It's life. Life is just like riding on a roller coaster."
"There's up and down in life." " Everyone faced it." " Things happened for a reason." " We learn from it."
If i love him, I should leave him and give him some space to think and decide what's right for him.
I should be patience in loving him. He knows that i love him. I just hope that he will never forget that i will always love him.

The promise he made always be remembered by me.

" I PROMISED I WON'T LEAVE U!"